JOSH & BILL
My old man is a small bloke in stature. I’m about 5’5 and he’s shorter than me, but he still commands respect and has presence in a room. Not by his sternness or by being assertive. It’s his warmth and sincerity. How he greets people and the open way in which he introduces one friend of his to another.
That’s the thing I appreciate most, which he’s taught me – how to build and maintain friendships. He’s a master. You’ll never hear another person say a bad word about him. Tamworth is a medium sized country town, but it takes a fair amount of time to walk the main drag as he bumps into old mates every ten shopfronts or so. And they’ll all tell you about how fast he was on the rugby field, or share a yarn about a blue he had. He wasn’t one to start a fight, but he didn’t mind trying to finish up a scrap, and in the old school style you had a beer and a laugh about it afterwards.
He spent his early years playing Rugby Union, in his heyday representing the Barbarians, and being a lifesaver during the off season, surfing in his spare time. They were great times for him. His Newington high school 100m sprint record was only beaten a couple of years ago, and he made sure to all the lad to congratulate him.
He switched to playing first-grade Rugby league for Newtown (Sydney), a game he’s not fond of however you weren’t paid to play union back then, and he needed the money. A friend sent me a newspaper clipping of the announcement. I did the maths and worked out he must have just found out Mum was pregnant with my older brother Ben. He still refereed local first grade union games well into his sixties, as well as walking over ten kilometres a day for his job.
Dad is a conservative man. Open minded but conservative. I have always been the antithesis. There was a distance between us for a time in my younger years where we didn’t listen to each other very well. To be fair I was blowing it a bit. Skateboarding, partying and very little else. He just wanted the best for me – wanted me to try harder. I understand how hard he’s always worked to provide for us. At one point spending all day in a car yard, then home for a quick dinner before bartending into the early hours. He did this for years. It would’ve been difficult for him to see me directionless and admittedly being a little self-destructive. I trust he’s proud of me now, and I appreciate him supporting me through my life’s ups and downs.
My Dad is now facing some immense challenges, and while I don’t want to go into the details, it has been called poetically ‘the long goodbye’. It’s brutal to see his continuous optimism and positivity being suffocated. My two brothers and I are very close, and I’m so grateful for their love and support. So is our Dad. All we can do is be there for each other. That’s the best thing about our family, having a wonderful network that has so many great memories. We know we’re powerless in the face of this challenge, and it’s a bit like watching the tide come in, but it’s the nicest metaphor I can come up with for this unkind condition.
Sometimes I catch myself in moments of my Dad’s traits. Turning up hours before a flight. Applying sunscreen poorly. Unknowingly having a bit of food stuck to my face during a meal. These are odd inheritances yes, but if I’ve also inherited how to treat friends, family and mates as well as earning respect without trying then I am forever grateful.
I reckon our relationship shifted about a decade or so ago. We’ll always be father and son, but now he’s my mate.
~ Josh